Damn it I just deleted the entire first part! In gist, I am back from Amsterdam, I ate a lot and I despise myself for my lack of determination. Now, moving on.

The only thing I seem to be not lazy enough to do is eat. Which isn't really deserving of praise, since I evidently overeat and constantly psycho myself into thinking I am hungry, even when I really am not. My fat loss plans seem to be evaporating day by day, as I see my face, arms, legs and tummy grow bigger with every unnecessary meal or snack I consume. This makes me despise myself sometimes, for my lack of determination, willpower and endless self-deceit. I really have to control my diet more, especially since this is not only causing an expanding waistline but also a dwindling bank account. My financials are definitely not in shape of late, and I must save up in light of the multiple travel plans I have lined up this year.

The other thing that I am keeping up with pretty well would be my exercise routine. I haven't bailed a day this month without a good excuse, and with the gym deciding to open on Saturdays, I hope this can help me inch (pun totally intended) my way towards my fat loss goals! Go go go!! Cycling as I typing this on my beloved iPad! This has to be the best gift I've received for Xmas because it is so infinitely useful! Also, now that I've taken a resolute step towards revision by deleting the heinous distraction that is Candy Crush, I only have blogging to turn to, which is a more rewarding distraction in many ways, seeing that:
1) I have been stuck on the same level 147 for a good 4 weeks now. Every game has offered me no satisfaction or consolation and merely left me frustrated, cursing the Candy gods for their unfavorable candy combinations, and waiting eagerly (albeit grudgingly) for new lives. Not keen on leading such a pointless existence any longer, I made the bold decision to delete the cursed game today. So long candy crush 147, till we meet again on 7th may, I doubt I will miss you.

2) blogging is strangely calming and helpful. I can have all sorts of eccentricities or sensibilities, and there is nobody to argue with me unnecessarily, and I have no need to prove myself or my capabilities to anyone but myself. And that's all I want really. To be someone I am unabashedly proud of and happy with. So I have to work towards that! No more self-doubting or insecurities because I am too good for that, and by the time I'm 21, I ought to know that for a fact, convincingly, but not in a self-deceiving, unaware way. I like to evaluate my strengths and weaknesses before I sleep, and I always feel quite good about myself when corroborating with events and more importantly, my thoughts. Having bad thoughts sometimes is inevitable, and I think it's an excuse to say you are "good" so long you don't act on them, because you are not acting on them due to civility and societal obligations, rather than an innate goodness. This is something I really have to work on and somehow, blogging helps articulate all these and keeps a log (of sorts) of my progress.

This academic year hasn't been excellent. The effort-performance correlation has been a total mess and I haven't had much to be proud of. The unabated successes and glory of last year has not rode well into the year, so hopefully, these three individual coursework and two examinations can turn things around for the better. I've still got my eyes on that 30£ Waterstones book voucher, so please don't disappoint yourself Violet, hard work and a good use of your rains will get you there!

So I'm off!

I'll make my voice heard
I'll go out into the world
And work for mankind!

Anne Frank, 11 April 1944

So much conviction and ambition from a young girl. This is precisely what I need.

Right this moment! Let me take the world by storm, no matter how small this storm is.